Saturday, June 16, 2012


i am a fixer.  if i had a tool belt of my life's work around my waist it would hold a pen, paper, and glue.  maybe some toast.  and a warm drink.  yes, those things can make just about anything right again with enough time and good intention.  good attention.

these days i notice friends struggling.  more than one.  people i love dearly.  gals i consider sisters even if i only know one paragraph of their life story.

and i want to make it better for them.  i want to glue their chipped feelings together and soothe their frazzled hearts.  i want to somehow reach inside them and hold the hand of their small ego with her pink finger nails until she is ready to laugh and jump rope again.

but i know i have to wait it out.

this is how i know.

a long time ago i found myself not feeling safe in my home.  not because another person wished me harm, but because my own rage was beyond containing and i worried that i would spontaneously combust if i stayed one minute longer burning down everything and everyone around me.  leaving was my anger management.  it was also a way to set boundaries.  and a way to get a good night's sleep.

on my friends couch.

i'd show up with small child in tow and rest.  it seems like i did this often.  more often than i would have liked.  at various times of the day and  night.  with toothbrush or not.  with pajamas or not.  with words or not.

and my friend would look at me with her green eyes aching, her lips twitching to ask, no doubt her curiosity as peaked as a mountain top- but she never asked me why or how or what.  she never once told me what i should do or what i shouldn't do.

she just was there.  with her guitar.  with her cats.  with her single wide mobile next to railroad track at the base of small mountains where harley's like to drive like wild animals.

and that's what friends do.  because before you can glue something back together you have to wait for all the pieces to land, then gather them, puzzle them around a bit.  and that all takes some time.  but when we are ready to give it a go, it's nice to have someone there with glue at the ready.  and a cup of tea, some toast.  maybe even a few tissues.

cuz fixin is messy work.

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