loaf

some days are really hard.  every step feels forced.  every decision feels wrong.  and i want nothing more than to sit still and silent until grace descends.  then life feels better.

moms don't usually get to sit still and silent- not when we need to most.  the toddler gets up early and wants milk and to watch tv.  i fret over both of these wishes. 

the older child proudly displays his latest artist creation- an underwater scene of a submarine battle.  i try to sound supportive while inside i am shriveling at the latest evidence of my poor mothering skills.

shouldn't my children be baking bread next to me in the clean kitchen while we listen to classical music or at least an audio book with a happy ending?

seren begins to explain to me more about his drawing.  there are apparently two sides and all of the subs have faces.  some subs are labeled EET.  while others sport the letters BFL.  EET's ships are all steaming or maybe they are on fire- but they are underwater, so i'm not sure.  seren tells me they are the good guys.  not a good day to be a good guy.

i remember the advice a friend and fellow mom once gave me- talk to kids about whatever they want to talk about.  so i ask what the letters stand for- what are the names of the good and bad guys?  he shrugs.  i offer some suggestions.  "Every Electric Tiger?"  he smiles.  "Bad Farting Lions?"  he laughs.  8 year old boys are an easy crowd.

still giddy, he replies. "no- how about Buffalo Fighting.....Loaf."

"loaf?"  i'm not sure i heard him right.  "loaf?" 

"yeah" he says, his eyes twinkling and crinkling with humor.

i laugh. 

grace has landed.